When Bo and I decided to move to China, our biggest fear was that something would happen to someone in our family while we were gone and we wouldn’t be able to get home fast enough.
Today, I sit by my mother’s bed on the Leukemia floor at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, TX. It is early morning, the sun hasn’t made an appearance, yet. I have been awake all night, tending to my mother’s needs, and thinking about how the Lord has taken such amazing care of my entire family as we face the battle ahead.
Exactly one week ago, I was in China when my biggest fear was realized. Well, half of it anyway. Last Friday, I felt like my world was caving in as my mom told me about her diagnosis of Leukemia. I knew I needed to get on a plane right away and be with her through treatment, so that is what I did. And you know what? It is a good thing that my fear didn’t prevent our move to China, because living there has resulted in the most flexible and free schedule that I have had in my entire adult life and I probably couldn’t have been at my mom’s side any faster if I had lived anywhere else.
So here I sit, still on “China time,” which works perfectly as my grandma takes the day shift and I watch over mom at night. The hospital is wonderful, and I am hopeful as we start chemo therapy today. My mother is on an extra special “protocol” treatment plan because of her rare form of Leukemia. This means that she has an extra team of doctors, cutting edge medicine, and ultimately a better chance of beating this thing after the first round of treatment.
My mom is really, really sick. But I am here, and I praise God for that fact. I am thankful for the way He mapped out my life so that it was possible for me to come quickly and stay indefinitely. God has shown me something about our fears- they don’t matter. Being afraid doesn’t stop bad things from happening. God tells us not to live in fear because He has everything under control, and He wants to put us where we need to be. Even when we think we know better.
So, even though it is hard, I am trying not to be afraid. I am focusing on the good that He has done, so much already, all undeserved.