funny

A friend of mine sent me this, and I think it is really funny…(much truth is said in jest)…

Heavenly Father,        

Look down on us your humble obedient expat wives, who are doomed to travel this earth following our loved ones through their working lives to lands unknown.

We beseech you, oh Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked or doesn’t crash, our luggage is not lost or pillaged, and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.

Give us this day, divine guidance in our selection of houses, maids and drivers. We pray that the telephone works, the roof does not leak, the power cuts are few and the rats and cockroaches even fewer.

Lord, please lead us to good, inexpensive restaurants where wine is included in the meal and the food does not cause dysentery. 

Have mercy upon us Lord, if it be the latter, and make us fleet of foot to make it to the loo in time, and strong of knee in case we have to squat. Also give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not understand.

Make the natives love us Lord, for who we are and not what we can contribute to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to smile at our maids, even though our most treasured dress resembles a rag, or they take bleach to clean our well admired silk rug. Give us divine patience when we explain for the hundredth time the way we want things done. And Lord, if we ever lose our patience and thump them, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.

Dear God, protect us from so-called “bargains” we don’t need and can’t afford. Lead us not into temptation for we know not what we do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us and save them from making fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all, please do NOT forgive their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

And when our expat years are over Lord, grant us the favor of finding someone who will look at our photographs and listen to our stories, so our lives as expat wives will not have been in vain.

Amen.

**For the record, I LOVE being an expat wife and traveling the world. Still haven’t gotten used to asian-style “squatty” toilets, but I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world! **

Last week, during a lower level English class, I presented my students with a simple question, “if you had 10 million RMB, what would you buy?” One student said he would buy a hotel. One said she would travel around the world. The last student to answer the question said that he would buy a car. So of course I asked him what kind of car he would buy, expecting him to say something to the effect of Ferrari or Lamborghini.

He said he would buy a Buick. Go figure.

Yesterday morning, as I was preparing to call my family on Skype, I heard a soft knock at my condo door.

I cracked the door and peeked out to see a woman in a suit. Part of my building management, no doubt, armed with a clip-board.

So I opened the door a bit wider and raised my eyebrows to indicate “yeeeeeessss???” At which time she started speaking Mandarin about a mile a minute. I just stood there not comprehending anything. 

So, I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head and said “I don’t understand” and hoped she understood. But she didn’t.

I opened the door even wider, asking her if she needed to come in. But she just reached through the door and placed her hand on my light switch. She turned my lights of…blah blah blah…then she turned them back on…blah blah blah…then off again. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head and said “I don’t understand.” She finally gave up and left.

I closed the door, sat down with my laptop, and called home. When my mom picked up, I told her about the strange scenario…”She just kept turning my lights on and off and I couldn’t understand a word she was saying…”

And in that instant, my computer screen went blank and all of my power went out.

You can’t say she didn’t warn me.

My first day in Qingdao was great. Surprisingly, my plan to avoid jet lag worked, and I adjusted to the 13 hour time difference with no problems. Bo picked me up from the airport and we took a 30-40 minute cab ride into the city. I was quite impressed as Bo spoke Mandarin with the cab driver, navigating him to our condo. He has really come along way with the language in the past 4 months.

After being in airports or on a plane for 36 hours, pretty much all I cared about was taking a long hot shower. If you know me, you know I am a germ-a-phobe (and I fully expect China to cure me of that), so sitting, sleeping, being in so many public spaces for so many hours in a row was giving me the heebie-jeebies.

Once I felt human again, I was ready for my introduction to downtown Qingdao and my first authentic Asian meal. Bo took me to a Korean place right around the corner from our building, and he showed me the ropes of dining in China. It was fun. They brought us a pot full of stuff I couldn’t identify. Then we stirred in a tasty red sauce. I didn’t ask too many questions, just tried to be brave. mmmm. Luckily, I am pretty good with chopsticks, but drinking hot beverages (usually tea) with every meal is going to take some getting used to.

Okay, I know it is sort of a cliche to post funny Chinese signs where they mess up the English translation, but I couldn’t resist posting this. (Notice the sign behind Bo. The circled part is the text that I magnified). Keep in mind that I had to stare at this “typo” all the while wondering what was actually in my bowl!

Just because Bo is in China doesn’t mean he has to miss ALL the fun.

ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!

Bama Bo on a Stick from Rebecca Dotson on Vimeo.

As Rebecca can tell you, I’m one of the biggest cheapskates you’ll ever meet, which is one reason why Qingdao and I are getting along so well….most of the time. It doesn’t get much cheaper than this city: 14cent bus rides, $1 cab rides, and 96cent meals. However, with such cheap prices, I feel I’ve gotten spoiled in this area. For instance, I hate to part with only one yuan, which is only 14cents. If a cab ride ends up being 18 yuan ( $2.65), I do my best to never go back to that destination. Any meal over $6.75 is a freakin’ fortune! Sure, being a cheapskate can be healthy, but there are times it can cause me to make some really stupid decisions. Let me give you an example of how my cheap nature waged war in my head between stinginess and reason and caused me to make one of those stupid decisions:

While I lived at Qingdao University, there was a hole-in-the-wall hair salon where I would get my haircut for 6 yuan. I had never heard of such a deal. In the US, for men, it’s atleast $12 (unless you’re like my talented father-in-law who cuts his own hair) and for women, let’s not go there. Six yuan would be the equivalent to 88cents. So being the cheapskate I am I was very happy with this arrangement. Well, now that I’ve moved downtown, I’ve had to find another hair salon. So, the other day I visited a styling salon that’s right next to my condo and inquired about the price to the lady at the front. “50 yuan,” she told me. I thought to myself, “50 yuan! There’s no way I’m paying that when I can get a haircut for six yuan. I’ll just get a cab to the university and back for 18 yuan and spend only six yuan for the haircut. That way I’ll save 26 yuan.” (Oh, I’m so very clever. Just wait.) I took a cab all the way to the university only to find out the hair salon was closed. So, I had the cab driver take me to another place I was sure was going to be much cheaper than 50 yuan. The total cab fare ended up being 19 yuan for going to the university and then to the new hair salon. I walked into the new hair salon to find out the price was 30 yuan. Between the cab fare and the haircut, I spent 49 yuan when I could’ve just walked 40ft from my condo to pay 50. Just to be able to say that I saved money, I refused to take a bus for just one yuan back to my condo and walked all the way back home. Man, I need help!

Saw this video over at Peer See, and I haven’t stopped smiling.

I just LOVE the Bollywood bit…and the Phillipines…oh, and the whale.

Here in the US, we are accustomed to seeing people from all over the world. It isn’t very odd to see foreigners or to hear an unfamiliar accent making our language just a tad hard to understand. In Qingdao, it isn’t quite the same, as they rarely see westerners. When Bo first got to China, he told me that he felt like the Eiffel Tower or a museum exhibit. As he walked the streets of the city, people would point him out to their wide-eyed children, blatantly stare him down, and even run up to him and pose for a photo (he usually realized his photo was being taken right around the time the flash went off). Ironic…the tourist becomes the attraction.

Bo recently joined his company’s basketball league. Apparently, the Chinese take their basketball very seriously. In fact, the employees who have games on Saturdays conveniently get to skip out on the mandatory few hours of work that they would normally have to put in at the office. Sounds like an incentive to me.

The funny part of this story is that Bo’s teammates were super excited about having “The American” on their team. The TALL westerner was sure to break their losing streak and lead them to victory…

What they didn’t know was that Bo hasn’t played basketball in over 15 years, and he is also recovering from a really bad sprained ankle that he injured earlier this summer.

Bo has played 2 games so far and, alas, the streak remains unbroken.

But he’ll definitely rock the team photo.